Three words: puerto rican gang bang
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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