She is in my trunk
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
