my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
