hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
