There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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