Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
