that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize