ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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