Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
