Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize