omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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