Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Randomize