Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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