I murdered the dance floor call the cops
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize