Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
