john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
