I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
my poor anus
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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