I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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