Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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