I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
