I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
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