i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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