I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
