I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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