I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
