i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
