you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize