I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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