I think I am morally bankrupt
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
