Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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