Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize