I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
