I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
All I want is dick and wine.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
