you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
