i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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