i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
