the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
