walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
