Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Mom said you looked used
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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