splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
