I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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