I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
