We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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