You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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