I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
