I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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