ugly people sure do ruin things
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
