Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
