ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
