Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
