I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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