Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
