I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
