They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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