I need help removing her.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
