I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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