I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Randomize
