as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
