I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We have started to decorate penises.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
