And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
