nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
