Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
