The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
