He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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