So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
