In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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